It was a lovely summer’s day in 2015. We’d had a wonderful time at a country park and were setting off for home with our 2 yr old in tow. We’d done the obligatory departure checks: seat belts, snacks, toilets etc. nothing was going to stop us now… except, of course, motorway traffic.
Now traffic isn’t welcome at the best of times. In fact, my wife finds driving in traffic so infuriating that she refuses to drive if she thinks there’s a chance of it. Summer traffic jams are so much worse too, especially when you’re a poor young family that relies on the car actually moving for “air conditioning”. Then there’s the child in the back seat and that anxious feeling in your gut that if you don’t get moving soon and closer towards some dinner there’s going to be an ear shattering monster in the back before too long. But this time what we heard from the back was much, much worse. Just four small words which will chill any parent, with no immediate access to a toilet, to the bone:
I need a poo…..
Oh the panic! Oh the visions of backseats annihilated in smelly mess! And what made it all the worse was the fact that our little soldier is the world’s most efficient pooer. He’s on the seat and asking for someone to wipe his bum (yes that’s another joy of parenthood) before I’d even be getting comfortable. So when he says he needs a poo, it doesn’t mean he can feel one brewing, it means the launch sequence has skipped right on to 1 and blast off is imminent. And when you’re in a traffic jam there’s only one thing to do: hope the traffic starts moving and pray that your little one possesses some endurance.
In this case, the latter was true! But parents aren’t always that lucky and that’s why I think all parents everywhere should be possession of a poo siren. Dragon’s Den anyone?
Postscript: There was a moment this week when I realised I wouldn’t have time to finish ep 5 before this week so I diverted and did this instead. There’s a follow up comic that I’ll post next week (more kids, toilets and cars stuff) so there’s two weeks to try and figure out the Music Man’s secret note
[CLUE: A quaver on Middle C is an A and a crotchet on Middle C an O]
See if you can get any closer with that 😉