The Adventures of Ninja Phil II – Ep 4 – Pigeon Poo!

Blog #46 - 01.02.2015

So if the Hitchcock-esque fear of being physically attacked by birds doesn’t affect you, I’m sure you’ll agree that the fear of being poo’d on by a bird does.

I mean, I never bought into the idea that getting poo’d on by a bird was good luck. If it happens I’m lucky because what!? My day can’t get any worse? Because seriously, getting poo’d on by a bird is one of the best ways to ruin a day I can imagine!

It’s not even the poo bit that gets me. I mean sure, coming in contact with another creatures faeces is never nice, who likes treading in dog poo for example? But there’s something different about being poo’d on by a bird. You can’t remove yourself to a nearby piece of grass and rigorously scrape your sole to remove the detestable deposit. There’s only one way to truly get over a bird poo and that’s with a thorough shower. And that’s where the problem lies.

It’s not like when a bird poos on you you’re ever conveniently close to a shower (although if any of you have been poo’d on by a bird in or near a shower I’d love to hear that story) because the vile act always occurs outside, in the middle of a lovely day out, necessitating an abrupt retreat to the nearest place of abode where you can cleanse yourself. I mean, sure you can find the nearest public toilet and do your best with some loo roll, but’s that far from satisfactory and leaves you feeling like your head is something else’s under-wiped bum.

The worst instance I remember was a friend of mine who got a torrent of pigeon poo deposited in his hair whilst stood in line waiting for a gig in London. Of course, we saved his space in the queue and he headed for the nearest public toilet to attempt to salvage his cleanliness. But despite his best attempts he was still complaining 6 hours later when we got out of the gig about how disgusting his hair felt (and then we still had coach trip several hours long before we got home). We all thought it was incredibly funny, even if he didn’t.

So any funny bird poo stories anyone?

Phil

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