Do you ever notice that in movies the main character always seems to know exactly what to say all the time? Even in the most nerve wracking situations they seem to come with the verbal goods time and time again. Come to think of it, bad guys are pretty good at it too. It strikes me how remarkably eloquent they all are.
As for myself, I’d be too busy trying not to soil my pants or figure out what on earth is going on to think of a witty quip, clever comeback or intelligent one-liner. Even at the beginning of an epic battle when the leader should rally the troops with a rousing speech, I think all I’d manage is: ‘Well lads, there’s a lot more of them than there is of us and well, you know, best of luck and all that.’
I’m sure we’ve all been in the situation where some random stranger has hurled abuse at us and at the time you’re so busy thinking, ‘Oh no! You did not just say that!’ to actually respond with anything more intelligible than shouting ‘Ya Mum’ (which is an ageless retort if a little cliched). Then hours later while still ruminating over what happened you stumble across what you should have said all those hours ago. Of course then, you have to vindicate your disappointment at having missed that precious opportunity to have the last word, so then you have to go and tell a friend the whole story, inserting at the end the line ‘What I should have said was [insert appropriate comeback here]’. Sound familiar?
I think the answer for all of us is to carry around a small notepad and record these as and when they come to us. A review of them, once in a while will help us commit them to memory to access in times of trouble. It didn’t really work for Chief Brooks in the film Paul Blart: Mall Cop, but it has to be said that it was extremely effective for Inigo Montoya.
If I’ve lost you over the last few lines, it means you need to go away and watch Paul Blart: Mall Cop and The Princess Bride now. For the rest of you… hold on, what are you still doing here? I said now! Go on, go… go! Sorry about that. For the rest of you get your note books ready and prepare yourself for your next unexpected confrontation. You want to make sure you’ve got something better to say than, ‘Ya Mum’ or blabbing on about crusty toe-nails, like Ninja Phil did today.
Postscript: Despite late posting, there are only 3 days until our competition winner is revealed. I’ve already started work on Sunday’s comic to make sure it’s on time, so tune in late Sunday evening to see the 5th and final friend of Ninja Phil revealed.