Anatomy of a Yorkshire Man

 Blog #23 - 23.07.2014

So here we have it… Cheesecake Boy! I’m sure there are still more questions, but these will get answered as we see him in action more and more. I think the biggest question is, Cheesecake Boy? Here the hell did the idea for that come from…. Let me explain!

When I was at University I lived next door to a proper Yorkshire man, more proper than I’ve ever met before or perhaps since. This Yorkshire man was quite an individual. He loved his Cricket and loved his beloved Huddersfield Town even more. He hated L**ds with a passion (I edited the rest of the word out -it was Leeds in case you missed it – since for him L**ds was as bad a swear word as anything else and on the off chance he reads this I thought I’d be sensitive) which makes it all the more remarkable, that he hung around to help Ninja Phil as long as he did.

But Cricket and Football aside, the other great love of his live was… Cheese. He loved the stuff. And not just posh, odd stuff; anything. I remember the time we, in the flat, were making burgers. Our Yorkshire friend wasn’t involved in the cooking process, but at the point when the burgers were nearly ready, I approached him to ask whether he wanted Cheese on his burger. He replied, “Yes” and then added, as turned back towards the kitchen, “but only if it’s proper cheese”.

Now, knowing that he was the Cheese lover that he was, I felt that nervous feeling in my stomach. We only had those rubbish plastic individual slices of Cheese. Surely he wouldn’t be happy with those? So I made the brave decision to discover what our Yorkshire friend meant by “proper cheese”. Luckily for me the reply was that in this instance, proper cheese meant that fake rubbish we had in the fridge. So when I say he loved all types of Cheese I mean it.

The greatest Cheese incident though was the Cheesecake. Our Yorkshire man wasn’t much of a cook. He didn’t really have anything to do with it; wisely as well since once he burnt a Fray Bento’s Pie because he put it too high up in the oven and when it rose it frazzled when it came in contact with the heating element.  But he always spoke about how amazing his Cheesecake was. So one day someone goaded him into making this wonder which he’d spoken of and I’ll be honest, I and about everyone else who was going to partake of the cake were more than a little sceptical about an eventual positive outcome.

For hours the kitchen was out of bounds, as the cake was prepared and we all wondered whether what we were waiting for was really worth it. After hours of  anticipation (more like anxiety) we were ushered into the kitchen to confront the Cheesecake of all Cheesecakes.

Now I’ve searched for a picture, but alas I couldn’t find one, so you’ll have to take my word for it. Memory is a funny thing but this thing was huge, I mean enormous, but it looked incredible. It was adorned with a series of perfectly arranged chocolate buttons on the perfectly white soft-cheese surface. It sliced sublimely and against all expectations it tasted delicious, I mean actually quite divine. Light and sweet, but not sickly. If it wasn’t for the fact that my house is regularly graced by Oreo cheesecakes now, I would say that it was the best Cheesecake I ever ate (and honestly who can beat an Oreo cheesecake?!). Against all odds, our Yorkshire man had created a masterpiece from soft cheese, chocolate and biscuit! And so Cheesecake boy was born.

I mean, if he can achieve that, he can create a Cheesecake that would withstand sword, bullets and cannon balls. So Cheesecake Boy, if you’re reading this, I salute you and your Cheesecake achievement!

Blog #23(2) - 23.07.2014

And so with that I present this, we’re one step closer to discovering the rest of Ninja Phil’s friends. And don’t forget, you readers all have the opportunity to play a part in this great story by submitting your own character design to our competition. Click on the link for more information.

And come back tomorrow for a little something in preparation for Sunday (and something which serves as a little thank you for staying with me over the last few months).

Phil

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